The Search

Sometimes I think I would love to live on a farm or a ranch, surrounded by nature and fulfilled by a day of satisfying physical labor. Enjoying the wide open spaces, breathing in fresh air, riding horses through the beautiful land, working the soil, getting my hands dirty and my mind free. But then I wonder: would I truly be happy with a life like that? The answer I find is a little more complex than a simple yes or no.

I believe that part of me would be happy and at peace with such a life. The part of me that loves nature and wildlife, and craves a much closer connection to them. The part of me that loves physical activities and being outdoors – working in the garden, helping to build things; real, sweaty physical labor. The part of me that longs for wide open spaces, rolling hills and serenely beautiful landscapes for as far as the eye can see. The part of me that loves peace and quiet, hearing only nature’s sounds and being in awe of its endless beauty. I think it’s the gratifying and seemingly peaceful qualities of such a life that call to me.

But then there’s the other part of me…

The part of me that would probably feel lonely and isolated with such a life. The part of me that might eventually tire of the same landscapes. The part of me that knows I would never truly feel at home or as if I belong in such a place. Most people would have lived there all their lives, or grown up there or come from not too far… I wouldn’t be any of those. I would forever be an outsider and I would feel that. That’s the TCK part of me. The part that craves interaction with similar souls, with those who understand the life that has shaped me. The part of me that sometimes wonders if it will ever be possible to truly and fully fit in somewhere.

Growing up as a TCK has positive and negative attributes. In my opinion, the good far outweighs the bad, but as an adult TCK I have found myself often wondering how and where I would truly fit in. I have already found part of the answer – I know it’s much more about communities and the people who surround me, rather than specific cities or countries. I also know that certain countries have a much higher chance of making me feel at home, whereas others truly make me feel like a fish out of water. But I still wonder if I will ever feel as if I fully, truly belong somewhere.

None of these thoughts or questions mean that I am unhappy or can’t adapt to different places, they just mean that my soul is still searching for THE place. The place you know is right, where everything just fits. Maybe I haven’t found it yet, maybe it’s not yet the right time for me to find it, but I’ll keep looking.

One of these days, I’ll find it.

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6 thoughts on “The Search

  1. I love this … you write so well … and I know exactly what you mean because even though I am not a TCK I don’t feel like I belong anywhere either. Not my home town, not my adopted town, neither coast is “the” place. I’m not sure where “home” is. I hope you find the place that fits you … maybe life is all about the search. 🙂
    Paige

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    1. I love when you leave a comment, Paige, because they are always heartfelt and lovely to read. It’s good to know there are others who understand these feelings – it makes it easier to share and to bear! I hope you also find the place that fits you, the place you can truly feel at home. And perhaps it is all about the search – I guess that’s alright as long as we enjoy every moment along the way, even if we are still searching 🙂

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    1. It’s always great to hear from another TCK – thanks for stopping by and commenting! And I definitely agree with what you said…home is where you are, but there’s still something we’re looking for. Something very important I learned as a TCK is to make the most and the best of wherever you are, so as long as we have fun while searching it is not lost time! 🙂 Hope to hear from you again!

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  2. Great post! I can completely relate to this. Maybe the grass is always greener? I have frequently felt torn between the desire to live in a remote wild place and the desire to be able to walk to local businesses. Maybe I just need to be sure to build a life with occaisonal changes where I can try to feed both parts of my soul.

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    1. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! It’s so easy to believe that the grass really is greener on the other side, even if it isn’t. I think the important thing is to make the best of whatever we have, even if that’s not always easy or we sometimes feel we that we don’t have enough. But I agree with the idea of having a life with occasional changes or at least trying new things to have a taste of everything you’d like. It’s not always an easy feat trying to reconcile and satisfy all the desires of our souls, but the important thing is to have fun while trying 🙂

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